Heavy thoughts

Soooo as most of you already know, me and my Father really dont have any kind of realtionship whatsoever. But tonight i sit here i sit with a heavy heart. My Father has grown very ill. Found out he has stage 3B Lung Cancer. Still dont know if he is going to or be able to undergo any sort of Keemo (Sp?)  Being as he may not be healthy enough for it. If he does then he will have to go to the hospital 5 days a week for it.
LIke i said i have no relationship with him at all, but the fact is he is still my Father. I cant figure out if i should go and see him in the hospital or if id even be welcomed to... I know i dont want to regret anything in the future though. If i dont see him im pretty sure i will. Bc thats just the type of person i am, its how my Momma raised me. We dont know exactly whats going on, or how, or when. SO i dont want to get myself totally worked up until i am 100% sure on this. The thing that is getting to me the most, is that im just so clueless on how to feel.
I got a big ol jumbled head of confusion.... hurt... jealousy... and so much more right now. I will always remember the good times i had with my Father.... ya know i used to kinda be  a daddies girl...